J. Beaman - The Magazine

This guy is my new favorite guy. Ever.

Ran across a website were people send in emails and IM’s from their mothers. It’s touching and sappy and I’m eating it up. Some Sadness. I could read these things all day. It was not my intention to spend the morning a little weepy, reading cheesy letters from moms but here I am, Saturday morning, like a motherfucker. Here are some highlights.

me: hi mom
mom: hi pookie…i just booked tickets for zumanity. miss you
me: What is zumanity?
mom: it is a very erotic show that explores sexuality.
hopefully dad will enjoy it
lol
it is at new york new york where we are staying
me: oh dear lord
does dad know about this?
mom: yeah….it explores gay stuff too
he he
he shold be ok…there are boobs in it
too
zumanity.com
me: well i can’t click on that right now because i’m at work
mom: oh…maybe later then

————————

Do not say wamp wamp. It is meaningless and vulgar!!

is it supposed to have a meaning??

Love, Mummy

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In other news, your father asked me this morning if he could borrow my nasal irrigator. I got very excited, thinking he was being pro-active in fighting the cold that’s got him sniffling non-stop already. Turns out he just wanted to use the irrigator to inject jelly into the croissants he was baking. I could write a fucking book.

I’ve got to buckle down now and read this new script.

XXOO
MA

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I’m just as excited as you about Peru! Just PLEASE don’t fall in love with an Inca Indian. It’s hard enough planning a NYC wedding, never mind a different continent!
Good idea to check with Health Services re Hep A.

SUMMER IS COMING!!!! Love, Mom

———————–

I also love you and I don’t mean to be “mean and horrible every single day.” I am not defending myself - obviously I am offending and hurting you, but I just wonder if you are being a bit hyperbolic about the extent of my meanness? I guess I am thinking that if I am as awful as you allege, you should probably divorce me.

Mom

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Mom: Why don’t you marry your friend Caroline, she can have a baby. Your brother could be the donor so it would be my real grandchild. It would be your neice or nephew as well as your son or daughter.
Me: Wow it appears you’ve put some thought into this.
Mom: it came to me last night, I thought it was an awesome idea. run my idea by Caroline I’ll even pay for the psychiatrist the kid will need one day.

I know I haven’t been actually posting anything proper, original content but Katy’s been in town and whatnot. I have a few things in the works. In the meantime, here’s a shiny video of the cherry trees blossoming at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden.