J. Beaman - The Magazine

And now I’m rolling around with someone at work, who I really really like, and all the girls at work read the blog and other girls I went out on dates with read the blog (some that I really like but not really really like) and

Oh, it’s gonna get dark.

Sage advice from my best ex-girlfriend and best current superhero, super-beauty, super-underemployed girlyfriend:

And you should not write about the girls you date on your blog, that is if you’re going to tell them to read your blog. Girls are at the same time self obsessed and insecure (and when I say “girls” what I really mean is “all people”). They will Always take it the wrong way.

Any time that I’m not able to come up with something to write I will regale you with tales of overheard and participatory conversations from my job at an anonymous restaurant. Feel free to ad your own in the comments.

Man: I like galette. The word. It sounds sophisticated. Urbane.

Man to French woman: Well…the last time I was in Paris I…
I walk away.

The fun thing about this is you get to make up what he says. Try it.

Well…the last time I was in Paris I fell in love with a syphilitic hooker.
Well…the last time I was in Paris we were mugged by Moroccan hooligans and that’s why I hate the movie Casablanca.

See. Fun! Give it a go yourself.

Conversations from work tonight (customers):

Table 5–I walk up with the dinner silverware.
girl: I just want to make sure it’s cool with you.
guy: yeah.
girl: I mean, because it wasn’t cool with my last boyfriend and I just need to know.
I walk away.

Table 3a–I’m bussing their appetizers. A man and a woman in their late fifties or early sixties.
man: what’s that say on your arm?
me: This [pointing to my left arm] is from Lord Jim…
man: Ahh. And the other arm?
me: That’s my mom’s name.
An hour later refilling decaf
man: What’s that say? What’s your mother’s name?
me: Glenda Grace.
man (genlty): Hmm…Did she pass away?
me: Yeah, when I was little.
woman: What a beautiful name.
I smile at them.
man: What a beautiful gesture.
I smile at them.
woman (Raising her cup of coffee): Here’s to Glenda Grace.
I smile at them, try not to cry, and walk away.

Here’s to Glenda Grace.