We’ll start with some important, unknown facts about hyenas.

Hyenas are not scavengers. They kill around 95% of what they eat. More than their Disney inspiring neighbors. Hyenas will eat anything (as long as it is, or used to be, alive). A researcher in the Masai Mara observed Hyenas who seemed to be grazing but it turned out they were licking live caterpillars off the grass. That is awesome.

Hyenas are completely matriarchal. Adult males eat last and are constantly ridiculed by the rest of the pack (even the juvenile males are encouraged to abuse the males). Females have complete control over the mating process. Females choose who to mate with and they have an extremely long reproductive tract, so long that if they choose to they can, after having hot hyena sex, flush out the sperm. A fucking built in morning after pill. The females also have an extremely large clitoris, nearly indistinguishable from a penis, capable of becoming erect. And, to further make your head go whawhawhaweeee, the labia are fused and filled with fatty glands, looking then, like balls. Amazing.

And my favorite:

In one sitting a hyena can eat 30-40 lbs of meat. They eat everything in front of them, pulverizing bone for the minerals and marrow with their massive jaws and molars. The only problem is they can’t digest hairs or hooves. So what, they just vomit it up later.

“All that’s left when a hyena eats you is a pool of blood and your hooves” –Ian Chillag

Thanks to the Bryant Park Project and The Smithsonian.