J. Beaman - The Magazine

Ohh! (profound, gutteral, oh) stake through my heart, jab in the pit of my guilt.

As a fan of your writing, and nosy ex-girlfriend that I am, you would have to expect that I would check out your zine online every 6 months of so…only to discover I feature so negatively. Is that why we’re not friends? I did want to have sex with you. You gave me the best orgasms of my life. I still want to have sex with you! I know what I said, and it was in the interest of being completely honest, despite the hurting. I had problems with sex. It wasn’t you, and it wasn’t that you were fat. I realized long ago that the sex was a huge problem in our relationship, and I just had a real hard time admitting that it was my issue. The sad, sad irony is that my last two boyfriends were skinny. And it just felt like something was missing. Like 50 lbs. I never thought you were my type, and now I only go for J-shaped guys.

I’m sorry I blamed you for dumping me. I’m sorry I was so hard on you.

Now, I hope you realize I’m not trying to heal you, and I’m not trying to just make myself feel better. And I realize that what you blog is for the sake of writing itself, and not a cry for help, or a blatant emotional spew, or an attempt to make ex-girlfriends feel guilty and that you don’t really expect or want a response from said guilty ex-girlfriend. And I don’t really mind being misrepresented. Or painfully accurately represented, because that’s more what it looks like. But pleeeeez can we be friends again? I still think youre brilliant. I really miss you. Talk to me please.

Kisses,

Fat-hater-Sarah